Of Writing Advice, One-Liners, and an A Game.

Once I met with a writer who had asked me to evaluate her memoir-in-progress. It was time to return her pages and my report, and over coffee, maybe pass on some tips for moving on. I wanted to convey both encouragement and a realistic idea of the amount and type of work still ahead for her.   

It was mid-morning, and possibly because I had been awake until 2:00 a.m. watching old episodes of Downton Abbey working on another project, I worried that I wasn't saying anything particularly hlepful. But then she told me that something I had mentioned weeks before, just one sentence which I barely remember saying, had already been a big help as she worked on additional material; roughly this: "Your experience itself is not so unique, so just tell the story you can tell." Or something like that. I don't think it's especially brilliant, but I was pleased to have been of help.

This reminded me that so much of the useful, memorable writing advice I've gotten over the years, has come in the form of a one-liner. I can recall one writer I admire telling me, "Nice writing, but what is this really about?" Good advice, coming after several drafts in which I was spending a lot of time trying to write elegant prose, while avoiding writing about anything. 

Another mentor in a workshop once asked me to explain, out loud, something I had made overly obscure and complex on the page, and after I did, she simply said, "Okay. Now write exactly that." One author's offhand remark, tossed out during a panel at a writer's conference on creating the *I* narrator in memoir, has also stayed with me: "Get over yourself; you're not that interesting." Or something like that.

One more I remember was an MFA faculty member who had read a lot of my work, and reacted to a new, lackluster piece I'd written with, "If you settle for your B game, you may not get the A game back." Ouch.  But, she had gotten through, and to this day, I swing for an A game every time. I sometimes strike out, but that's okay; and if I knew more about baseball, I'd find a clever way of saying it's not the home runs that count, but a decent batting average. Or something like that.

Friday Fridge Clean-Out: Links for Writers, Jan. 20, 2012 Edition

I've been crazy busy (thank the freelance gods), so even the link list is short this week. But I am cooking up several author interviews and guest posts for the next month or so, including one with the inimitable Bill Roorbach. So stay tuned. Meanwhile...

►Some good tips from Robert Lee Brewer about experimenting as a writer, and getting out of that comfort zone.

► I try to keep tabs on the precious few book manuscript contests for creative nonfiction, and found this one, from Zone 3 press, with a May 1 deadline. 

► Robert Vivian has some thoughts on the meditative essay.

►If you are considering adding a new poetry book to your collection, NPR previews a dozen good ones set for 2012 release.

►As a teenager, I wanted to be a sports columnist for the New York Times; and still love to read their sports pages. Yesterday, Jere Longman's column hit several of my buttons -- Royal gossip, an equestrian athlete, jocks behaving badly (in this case rugby players), and anything British. But mostly I loved it because of Longman's excellent craft and hilarious style.

►Finally, wouldn't be cool if a U.S. department store held literary events, housed a reading space, and if a fast food chain on this side of the pond were to give away, oh 9 million books? 

Note: Registration is now open for The Submissions Project - an online class to help you get active in the area of moving your work out into the world. Begins Feb 27.

Have a great weekend!

Friday Fridge Clean-Out: Links for Writers, Jan. 13, 2012 Edition

►Copyblogger recently listed Ten Terrific Creative Writing Blogs.

►On the Los Angeles Times' Jacket Copy blog, 25 authors note New Year's resolutions, some funny, some quite serious, many about finding more time to write and to read.

►Three new blogs I recently discovered that you might like:  Three Guys One Book, The Memoir Project (Marion Roach Smith) and Literary Writers Network.

► Every independent bookstore needs to take this message to its "shoppers" (notice I didn't write "customers". 

►And while on that subject, though I couldn't find a video of a performance, some equally good lyrics, to the John McCutcheon song, Closing the Bookstore Down.

►Duotrope, a highly usefil site that lists literary journals and offers multiple excellent submission stats, tools and tracking systems, is planning to branch out into nonfiction.

►Creative writing teachers (and students too) what do you think?  Is the idea of teaching one writing skill at a time at odds with the workshop approach and does it matter?

►At Terrible Minds, Charles Wendig wrote my favorite kind of writing advice post: the no B.S., no spin, not nicey-nice kind:  25 Things Writers Should Stop Doing. Head over, and brace yourself.

►Finally, I'll be sending out daily Writing Prompts again beginning Friday, January 20, for six weeks. 

Have a great weekend!

Book Lists, of All Kinds.

The Book List.  Do you have one?  I have several. One is a list of the books I own and have (somewhere) in the house. This comes in especially handy when one of my kids needs a required book for school, not to mention when I nearly buy a third copy of a book I'm sure I want to read someday. Another is a list of books I want to buy or borrow from the library or trade for. A third is the list of books being published soon by writer friends and acquaintances, so that (hopefully) I'll remember to lend some support. Still another is a list of the books I need (and usually want) to read to prepare for an upcoming class or assignment.

Then there is the list I want to add – the List of Books I've Read This Year. Except for during my MFA program, this list has been missing from my life for decades. Growing up, I conscientiously kept a list of the books I read every year. I know many of my writing friends still do keep such a list and I don't know why I fell out of the habit, probably coinciding with completing college some ahem-something years ago.

As a reading obsessed child and teenager – way before blogging -- adding a book to the list was a source of pride and more; it was a way to document for myself that maybe all that reading was adding up to something, that I hadn't merely just been (as my mother often snarled) sitting on my butt. How I would love to be able to look back at those lists today!

As an adult who now interacts with words and writing every day, wanting to once again have a Books I've Read list may represent something else; I am not sure exactly what yet. However, I do know I want to read more (but doesn't everyone, except maybe my husband?). I mean a lot more, and list lover that I am, maybe a list of what I actually accomplished will be a motivator to keep up the reading pace.

Another reason I'm reviving the Books I've Read list is I enjoy adding to a list almost as much as I like crossing things off a to-do list. I like to watch a list grow when it means maybe I've grown a little too (isn't that what reading is really all about anyway?)

Finally, I think having a list will motivate me not to let too much time go by between finishing one book and starting another. Sure, there's that delicious time period when I close the back cover of one book and don't want to move on to another just yet; I want to remain in the world that author created for just a bit longer.

Problem is, if I linger too long, I get upset with myself for not starting that next book. So along with my new list is this new idea – I'm not to put a book on the just-read list until I've selected the next book to read and placed it, physically, in my path, for the following morning, say. This is easier said than done because there are so very many books piled on my To Be Read shelf and because often I need to gauge what kind of mood I'm in at the end of one book before choosing the next.

I don't plan to post the list here (who needs that?), but on more frequent occasions than in the past I'm probably going to mention what book just made it on to the list. 

(Note to those who receive posts via email:  No, I don't have a balky space bar on my computer. Blogger and Feedburner are having a problem with the spacing between words. I'm trying out a few suggested fixes, but my powers are limited, so I'm hoping the tech folks get this sorted out soon. Thanks to those who sent emails to alert me.)

Friday Fridge Clean-Out: Links for Writers, January 6, 2012 Edition

On Fridays I post links I like. It's called Friday Fridge Clean-Out because on many Fridays, I concoct a dinner plan for my family by pulling out everything that's been accumulating in my refrigerator that week, choosing the freshest looking stuff, tossing it together, and hope everyone at the table will find something they like. Here, the "fridge" contents come from my Google reader, email inbox, Facebook and Twitter feeds, favorite news and writing sites, blogs I follow, etc.  Enjoy!

►Ever get the feeling, as you're contemplating ideas for personal essays, that you just don't have enough turmoil in your life to compete? Then this hilarious McSweeney's personal essay by a personal essay is for you. (via @ChristinGeall)

►A first time novelist wonders about boundaries, subliminal influences, and creating characters, in connection to her profession as psychotherapist and living a visible life in a small community.

►As a writer, are you easy to contact? Do you understand the link between opportunities and being easy to find, especially online? Chuck Sambuchino – and 100-plus commenters – share some terrific tips.

►Over at her Dollars and Deadlines blog, Kelly James-Enger rounds up eight useful posts from 2011. Some of the posts are round-ups too, so there's plenty to explore on a number of useful topics.

►Ever wonder what your shower curtain has to say?  Apparently Dave Eggers has, and the resulting monologue is printed on -- wait for it -- a shower curtain.

►To mark the one-year anniversary of the publication of her excellent short story collection, Quiet Americans, Erika Dreifus is giving away three copies (print or electronic).

►British novelist Harry Bingham runs a helpful blog for the Writers Workshop in the UK. I liked this guest post he featured about finding mentors, especially this line: "A willingness to listen and learn is just as attractive to a potential mentor as a high level of native talent, perhaps even more so."

►You have until Jan. 13 to enter Gotham Writers' Workshops huge giveaway of more than 63 items – writing books and other products, e-readers and tablets, subscriptions and class tuition.

► Finally, for the writer who has everything, a doll of your favorite author?  (via Diane Lockward's poetry newsletter)

Lies Writers Tell Themselves

I am not a morning person. I loathe getting up early, as in before 10 a.m. For a few years, when my husband and sons went camping for a week each summer, I'd work from noon to four, have lunch/dinner, relax, do chores and errands, see a friend, then work and read again from 10 p.m. to 2:00 a.m., turn in around 3:00 and awaken, refreshed, around 11.

Sadly, this is no way to conduct a responsible adult life when I’m not alone. Instead, I get up every weekday by 6:45. I eat breakfast with my younger child and deliver him to school before 8:00. Then I often go to a breakfast meeting I've willingly scheduled, I sit at my desk and open my computer. I work, I write, I edit, I talk to students or clients.

I pass for normal every morning and function mostly, I'm convinced, because of the lie I tell myself when the alarm first rings, which is this:  I'll just get my son to school, and then I'll come straight home and go right back to sleep. I tell myself this lie nearly every morning. Except for a morning or two each winter when the annual major cold arrives, the lie doesn't become the truth. I know this – that I am not going to come back home and go back to bed – but I persist in telling this to my semi-conscious self in order to make myself get up.

This came up the other day in a conversation with a writer who told me that if it weren't for the lies she told herself on a daily basis, she'd never have gotten her memoir completed (now signed by a small literary press; translation: it will be published though little money will likely ensue). Some of her sillier daily lies went something like this: The house will clean itself. My kids will fondly remember this time as the wonderful year they got to watch endless TV, eat peanut butter sandwiches for dinner, and their silly mother forgot to make them practice piano.

Her more serious daily lie goes like this:  Just go ahead and write whatever you want because no one is ever going to read it anyway.  She tells herself this lie, despite two traditionally published novels, dozens of essays, and a poetry chapbook.  The lie is necessary, she says, because it allows her to be daring on the page and to block out thoughts of what comes after the final draft – agent review, finding a publisher, critics, readers, marketing. Yes, she admits that it's a lie, that deep down, she's fairly confident what she writes will make its way to readers, but if she thought about her words existing anywhere out in the world while she's still at work on early drafts, she'd panic and possibly stop writing.

Driving home from our (yes morning!) coffee chat, I wondered if there were any lies I tell myself while I am writing. One that bounces around my brain when I'm in the first draft of a personal essay is: I'll never be able to finish this in a way that satisfies me. I believe I persist in this particular lie so that I won't skip over the necessary mental (and often emotional) steps involved in writing the all-important middle of the story. Even if I already have a great ending in mind, I am still convinced I'll never get there, and that's a good thing. It means I won't just skate over the middle, never going deep enough.  If I never really believe the end is in sight, I'll spend more time getting that middle right.

Another lie I tell myself is: I have no business writing this; I don't have the skills or experience to tackle it. Why this lie? Because if I feel too confident, if I don't have a simmering case of being a bit of a fraud, then I tend to write too quickly, with less care, and less respect for the particular piece. So I tell myself, You can't write that, and in some counterintuitive way, this keeps me going. Maybe I want to prove myself wrong. Or perhaps a part of me recognizes that one always has to write that very first….book review, scholarly article, prose poem, short story, lyrical essay, something… and so the fear is necessary. Then, while I am scolding myself that I shouldn't be writing the thing I'm currently writing, I can remind myself that in the past I've written many things I had no experience with the first time around either.

I suppose there are other lies I tell myself too, but I can't think of them now. It's 8:15 a.m. and I'm thinking of going back to bed.

Guest Blogger Michelle O'Neil on Insecurity, Expectations, and the Self-published Author

Some writer friends always know what to say. I met Michelle O'Neil online several years ago, and she's turned out to be that kind of writer friend, who always has something good to say about anything I do. Even when I screw up, I can count on getting a short but oh-so-spot-on email, tweet or Facebook message from Michelle that puts things right into perspective. Michelle recently self-published the memoir Daughter of the Drunk at the Bar. As she explains below, that was the easy part. Wounds fully licked, she is now hard at work on her next good book. 

Please welcome Michelle O'Neill.

Writing in general is fraught with fear and insecurity, but hang onto your hat if you decide to self-publish. I thought I'd done the hard emotional work writing my memoir. I wrote honestly. I wrote bravely.

I wrote a good book.

I hired professional editors to give me feedback on structure. I had other writers go through my manuscript line by line. Persnickety friends with eyes of eagles found even more things to fix after I released it. I thanked the self-pub Gods for print-on-demand and the ability to make corrections. 

Since the book's release, I've received emails from readers who want to tell me what my memoir has meant to them. Some have said they could not put it down. Some people are finishing the book in one or two days.  Some readers who work in the recovery field have said they are buying copies for their offices and clients.

One of my first writing teachers, author Jennifer Lauck asked me to guest post on her blog and hosted a webinar with me on the topic of self-publishing. I've received good Amazon reviews. Some of my nearest and dearest bloggy friends have talked me up on their blogs, and I've begun to receive good reviews by book bloggers. 

And yet. Many of my traditionally published writer friends and acquaintances are not touching my book with a ten-foot pole. Some writers I have long supported, are not reciprocating. To my knowledge they aren't even buying my book. If they are, they are not saying anything about it. They are not putting their name on a review. They are not talking it up on their social networks. They are not even giving me kudos privately.

Self-pub.

I think I understand their reluctance. I have opted out of a system most writers are heavily invested in. I'm assuming the fact I didn't go the traditional publishing route, makes mine "not a real book" to many. And that completely derails me if I think about it too long.  

Is my book "real?" Am I a real writer? Did my book not get picked up by a literary agent because it isn't good enough? Granted, I only sent the final version to a handful of them. I kept reading about the emergence of e-books taking over the marketplace and how the time was ripe for independent publishing. Also, with the state of the publishing industry, unknown writers are not getting much attention from the big houses, so I was kind of scared to go that route, even if I did land an agent.   

Do people think my story is too personal? Too ugly? Was I wrong to publish it independently? Is my book not as good as I think it is? Is it a joke?

When you hope people will show up for you and they don't, it hurts.   

That being said, I have had to take an honest inventory of what my expectations were going in. I have supported many authors in the past because I was so happy and excited for them when their books came out. I believed in their work, and I love books! I didn't do it for a payback, but somehow, as my book marched out into the world, I started to assume they might return the favor, at least those I knew personally. My motivation for supporting other writers, though pure at the time, became muddied in retrospect.

What it comes down to is this. I support other writers on my blogs and through my social media outlets and via word of mouth, because I love to do it. I will continue to do it, but nobody owes me.

What I've learned, and would like to pass along to others who plan to self-publish is this: please explore whether you have any unconscious (or conscious) notions of riding the coattails of your traditionally published friends. If you do, it's probably best to let those notions go.

And, whatever expectations you do have for the traditionally published writers in your close circle, consider asking them directly to do something specific, such as, "Will you "share" my book with your Facebook friends?"  or "My Amazon sales could be better, would you mind reading my book and putting up a brief positive comment?" or "Would love it if you would do a tweet for my book sometime this week." Granted, this is an area I have yet to master. It is very hard for me to ask for help. And I abhor the thought of putting anyone on the spot. I feel if they were inspired to talk me up, they would. Deep down, I guess I'm afraid of finding out they don't like my work, or worse, they don't like me.  

I'm also forced to look at why it matters so much to me if my traditionally published friends and acquaintances support my book. Is it because I hope Daughter of the Drunk at the Bar will reach a wider audience and positively touch many people? Well, yes. But if I'm being honest, the reason that comes before that one is I don't want to feel like a failure. I'm tying my self-worth into how well my book does.

I really meant not to do that. 

But this is what's great about being a writer. Every little thing we go through is an opportunity for self-exploration and there is always the opportunity to bring it back to the page. Why do I find it hard to ask for help? Why am I hanging my sense of value as a person on how many books I sell? How can I inspire others to want to read my work, rather than playing the role of the unnoticed victim? What does this give me the chance to heal? How can I believe in myself and in my writing more?

On a deeper, soulful level, being a writer is a chance to grow so much more than sales. We lick our wounds, but a new page always beckons, "Come here," it says, "get back to work." Because real writers? That's what we do.  

  

Michelle is a former radio news reporter whose pieces aired during NPR's Morning Edition in Washington DC. She has contributed to special needs anthologies, and has written for many venues, both print and online.  Learn more about her memoir here.

Friday Fridge Clean Out – Links for Writers, December 30, 2011 Edition

► Riverteeth Journal has announced its first Nonfiction Conference, May 18-20, 2012. Robert Atwan and Hope Edelman are featured guest speakers. Check out the full schedule and other writers on the agenda (including many friends of this blog) here.

►Tips for writers on using LinkedIn (via Poets & Writers).

► Carol Tice has few – make that 113 -- tips for growing one's freelance writing income.

► Anna Quindlen has called World Book Night (a huge give-away event scheduled for April 23, 2012), "..like Halloween on an intellectual level."

► Speaking of giving away books, I was awed to learn about The Book Thing, a Baltimore book *store* which collects and then gives away books. Free. To Everyone. Really. (hat tip Jenny Rough)

► The January 2012 Mindful Writing/River of Stones challenge is to, quite simply: "1. Notice something properly every day during January. 2. Write it down." Get more info at the Writing Our Way Home blog or Facebook page.

►What do you think about the idea of "paying" for something (ebook, video) with a Twitter message or Facebook update announcing the "purchase"? (via GalleyCat)

►In a wonderful interview at Hippocampus, Beverly Donofrio talks writing process (and so much more): "I print out constantly and edit with a pencil. On the memoir I’m writing now, I rewrite and polish a chapter until I think it is good and it is finished. I pin it to the wall. Write the next chapter till I think it is good and finished, then go back to the previous chapter and sometimes the one or two before that one. Invariably I find that none are good enough or finished. But, by moving on to the next, I’ve gained enough distance to view it with a fresh eye. My first take on situations, my memories, the stories I want to tell is fairly superficial. I hate this about myself: I’m fairly superficial. Only through writing do I go deep, and each draft brings me deeper still. Perhaps if my default weren’t to be so shallow, it would take many less drafts to get to the good stuff: the truth."  Read the full interview here.

►Finally, did Santa strike out this year? Out of Print Clothing has a nifty selection of tees featuring classic book covers. And Rokki Handbags turns actual old books and vintage album covers into cool handbags and totes.

Have a great weekend.

Writing the "I Did It List" Before the Next Year's To-Do List

I've talked here before about all the reasons, as a writer, that I love lists, of all kinds.  And last night I sat down to compile one of my favorites -- a special kind of list that, instead of looking ahead to what needs to be done or what I hope to do, looks backward at what I have done.  I call it the Did-It List (or the What I Accomplished List) and I tackle it every year at this time.

This ritual began about five years ago when I was feeling low about what I had NOT accomplished that year, and thought: well okay, so what HAVE  I done this year?  And so I listed it all, and felt better for all kinds of reasons.

I saw that I had been a lot busier than I had given myself credit for. I realized that even for goals not achieved, I had taken several steps in the right direction. I found that having accomplished something relatively minor but which represented a major stretch outside my writing comfort zone, was unexpectedly satisfying. I noticed that rather than the rut I had imagined I was in, there was actually a lot of variety on the list. I saw patterns I had not recognized before, related to when during the year I'm most productive.  I began to understand that the amount of time involved in completing a writing project is not always in direct proportion to its importance, either emotional, financial or career-wise.

I've encouraged other writers to do their own version of a Did-It List, as a reminder of all the ways one has grown as a writer from year to year. I won't clutter up this post with my actual list because hey, who needs another writer brag post, and anyway it's mostly in a shorthand only I would understand.  But it may be worth considering that last night's (that is, 2011's) list was different from many other years because in some ways it was less about what I DID because I wanted to, and more about what I had to do.  It's worth it, I've realized, to look not only at the things I did which I am happy about and planned for and want to brag about, but also at the things I did out of necessity or obligation or self-preservation.

For example, in 2011 I did: - Survive the loss of a client of 4-plus years, replacing that monthly retainer check with other income.  -Say goodbye to a 16-month gig as an essay contributor when a management shuffle triggered a payscale downsizing. –Refocus teaching energies when the continuing education classes had too few registrants. –Turn down a good offer to edit and write for a regional web venture, despite a true admiration for and instant camaraderie with the owner, because I knew in my bones I wasn't the right person for the job.

On one hand, I could look at this part of the list and see that I only DID these things in response to loss, bad luck, and maybe even poor judgment on my part. Or I could look at it as the kind of rebalancing that occurs every couple of years in my crazy writing/freelancing life.

And on the plus side, I saw that the work slow-downs coincided, almost precisely, to the periods when I found myself in need of more personal time and more focused mental energies to help my son, a high school senior, navigate the college application / visits / testing / essay-writing labyrinth.

There were wonderful things on my Did-It List too, thankfully. In the final analysis, I think the most important aspect is that there IS a list, that it exists yet again, another year, that in the last 12 months there was, again, a creative writing life, and a freelance working life built on writing, editing, teaching, ghostwriting and research. Good or bad, I DID it for another year.

Maybe you will want to write your own Did-It List. Maybe not. Either way, I wish you all the best in your creative endeavors in 2012, whatever you DO. Thanks for reading the blog, and if you're so inclined, go ahead and tell me what you DID do in 2011.

Friday Fridge Clean-Out: Links for Writers, Dec. 9, 2011 Edition

► Need to give a reading?  Learning to confidently read your work aloud is essential – some tips from a grab bag of writers, at Beyond the Margins.

► Especially for poets, five "quick and dirty" lit journal submission tips (a few unconventional), from a Gulf Coast journal editor. (Hat tip Erika Dreifus)

►Speaking of poetry, this new book looks interesting -- Poetry in Person: Twenty-five Years of Conversation with America's Poets.

► Writers who want to work on their fiction skills in an online class (somewhat similar to my nonfiction classes), might want to check out Jordan Rosenfield's current crop of offerings.

► I love how this former rock critic turned her literary efforts to something she'd been admiring for a long time – songwriting.

► Marketing your own self-published book?  Or promoting your traditionally published book?  Good tips and solid how-to advice is found in the newsletter from Author Marketing Experts.

►Mosey over to Flavorwire's "40 Inspiring Quotes About Reading From Writers."  Then, head out to (or over to the website of) your local independent bookstore and buy books as gifts!

►Finally, there's been a lot of web chatter lately about undisclosed sponsored (paid-for) tweets, links, blog posts, Facebook updates and the like, which are designed to appear as spontaneous, genuine testimonials. Just to let you know, I don't do that here. Nothing on my blog (or Twitter feed, or any online presence) appears because I was paid to post it, or because I received free products, services or special consideration. 

Have a great weekend!

The Freelance Worry Cycle

After decades as a freelancer you'd think I'd get used to the down periods, when work is scarce, clients and editors go missing, and I feel as if I'll never see another paycheck (or opportunity). You'd think I'd just chalk it up to business as usual and not worry so much. You would be wrong. 

I worry.  I kvetch. I agonize. I alternately obsess over the fallow state of affairs or busy myself for hours each day making lists of possible new sources of business, generating queries, submitting like crazy, contacting likely sources of business, asking too many people if they know anyone who needs a writer, editor…heck, sometimes even a gofer. 

I forget that at times, I've designed things just this way -- purposely creating a lull between teaching assignments, so that I can make substantial progress on a manuscript; declining certain writing assignments for reasons that make sense (at the time, anyway); allowing an eager but difficult editing client to drift away because the fit was not right, for either of us.

Even so, I worry, whine, and I wonder….what if I were to chuck this freelance status?

I don't.

Because then, the upswing begins. Slowly at first, and then it seems all at once. Contacts email me back, some with tantalizing prospects. Editors suddenly seem to remember who I am and what I can do, and get in touch, some with assignments. Writers in need of editing or writing coaching call and tell me about their interesting projects and how I can help. Organizations looking for a seminar leader or instructor want to talk.

You'd think, after so many years, I'd realize that the flurry of activity that accompanies the upswing also just means business as usual and that I wouldn't get overly excited. Wrong again. 

I do – get excited, that is.

When work picks up, I think I've won some sort of (okay, small scale) freelance lottery. I can't believe how lucky and fortunate I am. I even sometimes wonder if these folks have the right person.  Do they really want me to do that? Well, okay then.

Very quickly then, I get over it. I get busy. Get to work. Get going. And for a while, I forget that, inevitably, another slow period will come along. And I'll worry, naturally.

Women Writing on Family: Always topical here, and now - it's a book!

When your work is occasionally published in essay collections or other anthologies, a fun day is when the ARC (advanced reading copy) arrives, and you get to see, often for the first time, what other writers and topics will be in that same book, and how the issues are treated across hundreds of pages.

Yesterday the ARC arrived of the forthcoming book Women Writing on Family: Tips on Writing, Teaching and Publishing (edited by Carol Smallwood and Suzann Holland – Key Publishing/Canada, Jan 2012). I have two contributions in it, both on the topic of writing about one's spouse in nonfiction. One is a round-up of tips and techniques used by other contemporary women nonfiction writers, and the other is an interview with writer Meredith Hall, about the absence of the spouse in her memoir, Without A Map.

Since the book arrived yesterday, I've been delighted to find within its pages, contributions from one other writer who is a good personal friend – Christin Geall; from writers I've come to communicate with online – Kate Hopper, Cassie Premo Steele, and Caroline Grant; from a writer whose memoir I loved – Catherine Gildiner; and from one whose teaching ideas I admire – Sheila Bender. Together, they've written on such diverse issues as narrative voice, non-paid writing, journaling, writing about memories, writing conferences, confidence, making time to write, and working with editors.

And there are so many other articles and essays from talented, thoughtful and resourceful women writers in the U.S. and Canada. I can tell, from the titles alone, so much of it will be worth reading -- pieces on: voice, marketing and market research, web writing pros and cons, organizing critique groups, personal essay craft, writing about childhood and about one's children, character development, research, writing about grandparents, the MFA and PhD, rattling family skeletons, writing about illness in the family, moving between fiction and memoir, seeing family members as characters, lines between history and imagination, avoiding sentimentality, and so much more. It's packed, at 320 pages.

Timing is everything, right? I worked on my two pieces for this book back in 2008, but just this week, I am concluding teaching an online creative nonfiction class, which has focused each week on a different aspect of writing about family, about our memories, about difficult personal issues. Yet, for the nonfiction writer who focuses on crafting personal narratives, writing essays based on personal experiences, and envisioning memoirs which, of necessity, includes as characters others who are important in one's life, these issues are also timeless.

You can preorder the book now here (I won't earn any commission.) I hope you'll consider getting yourself a copy, and also passing the information/link along to your writing friends.

This or that? Now or then? More or less? Yes. No. Maybe.

Four times now over the last few weeks, I've had phone, online and in-person conversations with writer friends, all dancing with the same questions: Start a blog, or not? Develop a group blog with a few other writers, or go it alone? Forget about blogging, concentrate on the book manuscript and/or publishing more short pieces? Submit the manuscript direct to contests and small presses, or try other agents? Go to an upcoming writing symposium, or use the funds to hire an editor, and/or the time to get more revisions done? Spend time researching additional publication venues, or get busy submitting and research more later? Teach, or not?

Write today, or go to Target instead? And maybe swing by Dunkin Donuts too?

In other words, all of the same questions writers everywhere ask themselves –torture themselves with?—each and every day. Let me be clear: No one was coming to me for "answers". And good thing; I don't have any. We were simply picking one another's brains.

A few things stood out. A group blog sounded like a wonderful way to spread out the work, and fun, of maintaining something as insatiably hungry as a blog; or it's a way to avoid building a personal online presence. One writer's attendance at a conference is considered to be an "investment" in his craft; for another writer, it's classic procrastination M.O. Contest deadlines can represent thrilling opportunity, or intimidation-inducing paralysis.

Finally, all we could conclude was that there is no "right" time to do, or not do, any of these things, only what feels right at the time, or what makes sense in the larger context of the writer's life and goals, time constraints and interests.

Which either means we are all, always, back at square one, and – or? -- that there is a lot (maybe too much) freedom in this thing we call a writer's life. Decisions, decisions. More of this? Less of that? Now? Later? Maybe? Ever? Never?

Obviously, I waver on some, no make that all of the many dizzying options and possible paths. Readers of this blog know that sometimes I'm here several times a week for weeks in a row, and then I go missing for a week, a month, more. Sometimes it's a conscious decision (if I am working to meet a client or editorial deadline, say), and sometimes I simply feel that it's the right time to be putting all of my writing energies elsewhere.

I don't claim to know the right, best or most intelligent way to apportion writing time and energies across all of the activities I mentioned above – blogging, submissions, revisions, new drafts, research, contests, teaching-- only that it's necessary to engage, every day, in the activity of trying to sort it out. Some days, doing what feels right at the time. Other days, doing what needs to be done because I've agreed to deadlines, signed a contract, accepted students, made promises to clients, editors, publishers.

In the meantime, in the background, I have been mulling over something I heard. A writing acquaintance told me he quit nearly all online activities for a year because, "The blog ate the book (manuscript), and then Twitter ate the blog." Interesting. And not necessarily in a good way. I take what he said seriously. And yet I also know that I'm the kind of person (kind of writer?) who usually gets more done when I have more to get done.

Meanwhile.

Over the past week or two, the four writer friends with whom I talked about these pesky time-and-energy-apportioning questions have made some decisions, put off some decisions, decided to not decide on other issues.

Me too.

So I'll be here, but sometimes not, because I'll also be researching, writing, teaching, submitting, editing, revising. Deciding, every day.

Friday Fridge Clean-Out: Links for Writers, Sept. 9, 2011 Edition

►Book contest season has arrived, and here's a list of the small field which focuses on the memoir manuscript.

►On the Glimmer Train blog, Lynne Barrett discusses (often funnily) what an editor of a literary journal wants (and so rarely gets). Kind of makes you glad to be a submitting writer instead.  (hat tip Kendall Williams)

►Galley Cat has unearthed links to free ebooks of five ultra long novels. 

►At Writer's Digest University, an excellent example of the kind of crisp, no-frills cover letter recommended for literary journal submissions; plus, other tips for less submission stress (via @ErikaDreifus).

►Amazon has launched an interactive feature inviting its customers (or anyone, really) to ask questions of their favorite authors. Queries can be posted either online or from Kindle.

►Quick – pronounce these authors' names:  Colm Tobin, J.M Coetzee, Jhumpa Lahiri. Need help?  Try this cheat sheet. (via Shelf Awareness)

►Many – at least 200 – MFA faculty members are upset at Poets & Writers Magazine's ranking of MFA programs, and have said so in an open letter.

►Finally, one writer asks herself 200 Questions Before Lunch.

Have a great weekend!

Three Upcoming Local Events for Writers - Come See Me Sometime!

The next few weeks are shaping up to be busy, event-wise, for me.  For those of you who are local, perhaps you'd like to join me. All events are free and open to the public.

Monday, September 19 -- Pen to Prose, Nutley (NJ) Library, 93 Booth Drive, 6:30 p.m. After I discuss tips for writing more dynamic dialogue, I'll stay and contribute to the group's regular critique session. For more information, click here.

Sunday, October 2 -- Bluestockings Bookstore and Café, 172 Allen Street, New York City, 7 – 9 p.m.  I am one of 12 writers reading our food-based poems, which appear in the recently-published collection, Broken Circles: A Gathering of Poems for Hunger, from Cave Moon Press.  Please bring two canned or boxed goods if you are able, for the Food Bank of New York.  C'mon by, Manhattan friends. Help celebrate my birthday! More details here.

Tuesday, October 11 -- Penny University, The Fine Grind Coffee Bar Café, 101 Newark-Pompton Turnpike (route 23), Little Falls, NJ,  9:30 – 11:30a.m.  Write About What You Love: Turning your love of a hobby, sport, interest and other passions into prose.  I'll talk about my experiences writing and publishing work that pivots on my interests in horses and riding, food, raising sons, and other passions; also, tips and advice for writing, research and editing material about what you happen to love, too.  (This is my local go-to place to meet clients and friends, and they are big supporters of local writers and literary events.)

Reminder:  *I Should Be Writing* Boot Camp still has openings for the session starting in just a few days, on Monday, September 12.  An affordable, enjoyable way to break out of a writing rut: get going, keep going and stay accountable!  Details here.