Last night, putting together the Friday Fridge Clean-Out, I was checking out the eight links I'd set aside, and here's what I thought as I opened each link to reread the item and decide what to say about it: Nah. Never mind. Old news. Not so funny after all. Who cares? Overexposed. Don't think anyone but me will care. And, must-have-copied-the-link-wrong-have-no-idea-where-this-was-supposed-to-lead.
And there, my friends, went the Friday Fridge Clean-Out down the garbage disposal. Instead of flailing around for more, fresher, newer, better links, I said, "eh," and decided instead to post a sample of what piled up in my own fridge this week. Here goes:
>Really, Mr. Editor, you're not going to run the piece you asked me to turn around so, so fast, which I did because we've worked together before and you'd always treated me fairly, and I didn't even stop long enough to get a letter of assignment or contract? And you "can't" (or won't) tell me why the piece has been killed? And I get no kill fee? Really?
>Really, writing student, you are dropping the class because the material is outside of the parameters of peaceful existence a sentient human being, but I shouldn't worry, it's not me?
>Really, former writing student, you sold two articles to that nice regional magazine and you are so charged up about your rebooted freelancing career and you want to thank me, for the editing and writing advice, and the vote of confidence? Really? You're so welcome – and you go, girl!
>Really, washing machine, you die and need to be replaced after only 7 years just when I have one kid heading in from camp and another heading out? Really? (Sorry, off topic I guess…except for the need to write/teach/edit/sell something to cover the costs, and…wait, what's that? Really, university where I teach on campus only twice a month, you want me to do what? To purchase a 24/7/365 parking permit? Really?)
>Really, literary journal editor, you love and want to discuss the piece I sent you 17 months ago (and received no response), and you want to discuss it "very soon"? The same piece I tried to follow-up on twice (and received no response), and then formally withdrew (and received no response), and then resubmitted elsewhere (and received a quick, polite response) – that piece? And when I explain that the piece is no longer available, I get an email lecture about submission protocol? Really?
>Really, writer who writes well and who seems like a good person, an interesting person, you do want me to edit that memoir manuscript we first talked about a year ago? And you did not ask me to chop my fee in half, nor did you ask me to turn it around way too quickly? And, you sent me a perfectly formatted, spell-checked, proofread manuscript which I don't want to stop reading – really? Thank you. My washing machine and wallet thank you. My tired brain thanks you. My empty fridge thanks you.
And next week, Friday Fridge Clean-Out returns. Really.
Have a great weekend!
- Two-Week CNF Workshops: You Choose the Week(s) and Topic(s)
- The Writers Circle, Fall 2016. I'm teaching Submissions (South Orange); Beginning (Montclair); Multi-Genre Workshop (Summit)
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