One Year Book Anniversary: Traditional Gift is Paper, the Modern Gift is a Clock. Both make sense to me!

Today is my book’s first birthday, or perhaps the right term is first anniversary. STARTING WITH GOODBYE was published a year ago by University of Nevada Press. I’m so grateful to everyone who supported the book and me through a busy year.

Yesterday I had lunch with a lovely student-turned-client who is working hard to make her first book manuscript shine as brightly as possible. She asked the question I don't always know how to answer: So, what has it really been like? 

I tried to explain. These past twelve months -- during which I spent a lot of time promoting, marketing, publicizing, interviewing, and making appearances on behalf of the book, the book, the book -- well, they weren't always what I thought they'd be. Sometimes events turned out so much better than I could have hoped; people and organizations surprised me with their welcoming warmth, tangible support, and wonderful moments. Other times, well, let's just say, things played out differently. (As they do in life, not just in publishing!)

What I wanted this other writer to know is that it was a year full of extremes: excitement, exhaustion, exhilaration, eye-openers, errors, and enriching experiences. Alternately fun and frustrating, busy and not, a year of learning what to focus on and what to let go.

I learned not to watch sales numbers (so much else is crazy-making about the book journey, why find another way to worry?), not to compare my book's trajectory with any other authors', and not to assume that everything promised will actually come to pass. 

I've learned that the very best moments are not about crowds or high number of likes/shares/followers or what BookScan has to say. No, the best moments are when I am talking to a reader, one reader, who has something to tell me, some story that floats in the air between us, something that my book, my words, have invited her to share. I always want to listen. 

As a nonfiction writer who mines my own life for story fodder, I can’t think of any better response to what I've written than someone who wants to tell me their story too. It's my belief, or at least my experience, that memoir authors write the things we do, about universal experiences we all have in common, because that is how we find it easiest to connect to other human beings.

When I think about how lucky it is that my book has created these connections, I'm still a little bit stunned. There were times when I asked myself (and frankly some people asked me directly!), how readers would react to a memoir like mine. STARTING WITH GOODBYE, after all, is about the unpredictability of grief as it snaked through my life in the three years following my father’s death.

There were times I worried that readers would not want to engage with this kind of tough stuff, with a book that might seem as if it's all about sadness. I had to trust that readers would give it a chance and along the way find that it’s not all sad, that even a story that pivots on grief can also be about funny, odd, and surprising events, about wacky relatives, about the weird things people say and do around grief that make us laugh when we shouldn’t but really need to (think Chuckles the Clown’s funeral episode on the old Mary Tyler Moore show). 

Not only are readers embracing all those parts of the book, but I've had remarkable conversations about how those moments are part of grief too, lighter moments that get us through. I've been encouraged and enlightened by readers who get my larger message: that, as much as we might want to deny it, grief has visited (or will come) to us all at some time, and that if we are curious about grief, embrace it and see what we can discover from the experience, the less scary and more unifying it can be.

When I talk with readers, everything else seems to fall away -- the stress of scheduling book events, the struggle to keep the book in the public eye, the subtle background pressure to keep priming the publicity pump. 

What remains is why we write in the first place, why I write. I write because I love to read and the page is the place where I find the stories that help me understand myself and others. Sometimes I read the stories others write, sometimes I write those stories myself.

I wasn't able to articulate all of this to my client at lunch, but perhaps I didn't have to. If she's lucky and continues to work hard and takes some risks, she will have her own manuscript-to-published-book path to follow one day. I hope it is for her just as exciting, exhausting, exhilarating, eye-opening, and enriching. 

First-time Author Gratitude that Lingers (plus book giveaways)

To say that the first six months after one's debut book is published are a whirlwind would be an understatement. For me, these months have been filled with so many wonderful experiences and events, new people and opportunities, a better understanding about the publishing world, chances to share insights, and much more.

The feeling which lingers most though when I look back -- as I did recently -- is one of gratitude. Hence, the heading for my recent newsletter:  Starting With...Gratitude.

Since some blog readers may not be on the newsletter mailing list (and you can fix that here), I wanted to let you know that you can read the newsletter at this link. 

Even better, if you haven't gotten a copy of my book yet, until the end of the day on Dec. 9, there's a giveaway going on (via the newsletter) for a signed copy (AND a separate giveaway for a bundle of writing craft books). Details are in the newsletter (and since you won't be able to reply there -- as the giveaway instructions state -- you can enter one or both by emailing me directly:  LisaRomeoWriter at gmail dot com ).

I also want to thank all my blog readers and other writing-world friends for putting up with my barrage of book promo, here and all over the place. Perhaps having gotten to this milestone at a somewhat later-than-usual age has made its significance loom larger. So my gratitude extends to everyone who has listened to me go on and on, who read and responded and supported and liked and shared and purchased and in any other way helped me on this journey, even a little bit. Thanksgiving may be over, but gratitude goes on...

The Intersection of Book PR and Writing Advice: A Round-Up

One task of a new author is to help generate positive online coverage/mentions of one's new book. Some are less within the author's control than others of course, and some are more fun than others.

Since spring (coinciding with the release of Starting with Goodbye from University of Nevada Press) I've been writing guest posts and answering interview questions from literary journals, bloggers, reporters and freelancers. Mostly, I've had a great time. I'm still having a good time.

While the goal is to keep the book in front of people's eyes, one of the more satisfying side benefits for me has been that many of the resulting pieces double as useful tips, advice, and information for other writers. 

The book launch, book tour, and general book promo craziness dominated my days for months, meaning I didn't have time to keep offering writing thoughts here at this blog, so whenever possible, I tried to tie in book publicity with literary citizenship. 

I've meant to share this sooner, but life piled on...Anyway, here's a round-up of some coverage from the last five months -- only the pieces that I think other writers might find useful. (If you want to see everything, check out the Media Mentions page.)

Guest posts and articles on writing issues:

Writing About Friends and Family in Memoir: Nine Key Questions (at LitChat)

How Lit Journal Publications Paved the Way to a Published Memoir  (at The Review Review)

How to Add Humor to a Sad Memoir  (at The Memoir Project/Marion Roach Smith)

Publishing with a Small (Traditional) or University Press: When it Might be Right for You and Your Book  (at Nonfiction Authors Association blog)

Writing About Family in Memoir: Fairness Counts (at The Writers Circle blog)

If You Give a Writer a Book Contract, She's Going to Want...Everything (at Women Writers, Women's Books)

Writers Recommend...for Writer's Block (at Poets & Writers)

My First (Disastrous) Writing Retreat  (at The Quivering Pen)

Author Interview Initiation: You Want to Know WHAT?  (at Bloom)

Interviews  (only those that cover writer advice, tips, insight, how-to's from my writing/publishing experience):

In Search of the Right Structure   (at Author Accelerator on Medium/Jennie Nash) 

Author's Notebook: Nine Tips on Writing Memoir (at The Whole Megillah)

Ruminations Interview (at Under the Sun, which published one of the original essays that became an important chapter in the book)

A Conversation with Lisa Romeo  (at Literary Mama)

An Interview (at Proximity's True blog)

Author Interview Q/A (at the blog of Caroline Leavitt)

Be Well, Write Well Interview (at DIY MFA)

Writers in the Trenches: Q/A on how everything before prepared me for the memoir  (at Fay Rapaport DesPres's blog)

A Conversation  (at the Sunlight Press)

Q/A  (at the blog of Christi Craig)

Podcasts (with in-depth dives into nonfiction writing craft):

The Creative Nonfiction podcast (w/Brendan O'Meara) - Episode # 98 - Lisa Romeo on the Power of Paper Habits

Write the Book podcast - # 508  (w/Kim MacQueen)

The Ish podcast (w/Cameron Dezen Hammon) - Episode # 8 - Grieving-ish Part II

And just for fun...

Spotlight (at Publishers Weekly)

How We Spend Our Days: Lisa Romeo  (at Catching Days blog)

Becoming a Published Memoirist at 58  (at Empowering Women in Midlife)

I hope some of these will prove useful for your own writing practice, writing life, writing challenges. As book mania settles down, I hope to be back here at the blog more regularly, with the spotlight once again trained on passing along good writing life advice and lessons learned from experience -- mine and others'. 

Book Birthday! Starting with Goodbye makes its official debut. Hello World!

I'm almost always awake past midnight anyway. But I'm not usually watching the clock to tick into the new day. Maybe it is a bit silly, wanting to drink in the first moments of the first day when my first book is birthed. That's okay. I'll take silly. 

When the FedEx delivery guy pulled up late yesterday afternoon, I met him at the bottom of the front steps with outstretched arms. "This is a pretty heavy box. You sure you want to carry it?" he asked. I was sure!

Tucked inside along with my author copies was a beautiful card signed by everyone on the editorial, production, and marketing team at University of Nevada Press, all those I've come to know over the last 14 months, everyone who brought the book to life with such passion. (Everyone who put up with me and my constant questions!)

They're the folks who made this gorgeous video trailer. Please take a (36 second) look!

For those who would like to read the book, you can order online from many retailers, small or large, indie or the big guys. I've gathered all the options, linked for you here. And of course, I'd love nothing more than if you wandered into your own nearby independent bookstore and asked them to stock it (or at least order you one!).

If you'd like a signed copy of Starting with Goodbye, you can do so via Watchung Booksellers, my nearest local independent book store. Simply note, "signed please" in the Order Comments box on their Checkout page. (Also specify if you want it personalized or not.) 

On our way out to a little celebratory dinner tonight, we may stop off at Watchung, where a friend spotted this: 

One day soon, I'll head over to WORDS Bookstore, a little bit further away, where a friend, out for her morning walk, reports that we're already window dressing! 

Readers who are writers, I've learned one thing well. Books take time. They take as long as they take. This one took a long time. But now that its time has come, the time merely seems right.

Thank you, blog readers, for allowing me to share my excitement with you! For staying interested in what I was doing and had to say over these past 11 years since I started this blog, way before there was any book in sight. You're the best.

Taking the Book on the Road (or: Good Thing I Like to Drive)

Before the craziness of publication arrives (Starting with Goodbye says hello to the world on Tuesday, May 1), I wanted to let my blog readers know that the first two months of my book tour schedule have been posted (with time, location, links, and other details)  at my website.

Except for a handful of locations -- Rockville Centre, NY (5/3), Amherst, MA (5/10), Millbrook, NY (5/19), and Kingston, NY (6/3) -- I'm be sticking close to my New Jersey roots for much of May and June. After that, who knows where I may pop up this summer...so much is still *in the works*, so stay tuned. 

Meanwhile, here's a quick peek. If you come to an event, please do say hello and let me know that we're connected through the blog!

AWP Writers Conference: All Aboard

In a couple of hours, my train pulls in to the station in Tampa, Florida for the annual AWP conference. Really, I made the trip from New Jersey on the rails! (Since I'm writing and scheduling this post four days in advance, I won't know if that idea was brilliant or demented, so check with me later..)

Meanwhile, onward...to the wonderfully ginormous, teeming, swirling controlled chaos that is AWP. What? You think 14,000 writers (and editors, publishers, writing teachers, etc.) descending on an enormous conference center and a slew of hotels is calm and orderly?  That 500+ breakout sessions, a few dozen of readings and gatherings, a dozen or so keynotes and special appearances and talks and on-stage interviews, are easy to navigate? Throw in a three-football-field sized bookfair, after-hours and off-site readings and parties (sorry, sponsored meet-ups), biz dinners and lunches and breakfasts, and you've got AWP.

Which I must say, actually is remarkably organized and orderly for all its girth. And also, unruly.

But hey, Florida instead of NJ in March? I'm there. Or here, by now. 

Like last year, I'm here to learn, to listen, to meet up with my far-flung but fiercely valued writer friends I only see once a year (or every few years). To absorb it all, make new writer-world friends, take it all in. To ogle and soak up the wisdom of writer idols (and not be shocked  when they get drunk at the after party, no not me), to dream and plan and set some new goals.

While I've marked up the program in a nifty app so I won't miss my must-see sessions, I'm also reserving--as I also did probably for the first time last year--my personal right to follow my nose and not fulfill an agenda. That worked out remarkably well in 2017, so hey, why not!

Officially, I do have a few places to be, things to do at AWP this year: 

Three literary journals, which have published my work (Sweet and Under the Gum Tree in the past; Tiferet in a forthcoming issue), are hosting me to sign and give away ARC's (advance reading copies) of Starting with Goodbye: A Daughter's Memoir of Love after Loss (coming May 1 from University of Nevada Press). Even if the books run out, I'd still love to chat with any interested folks who stop by (and there may be some book swag on hand too). 

You can find me here, in the sprawling bookfair: 

Sweet Literary Journal (Thursday, 3/8, 3:00 - 4:00, Table 1109)

Under the Gum Tree (Friday, 3/9, 3:30 - 5:00, Table T1732)

Tiferet Journal (Saturday, 3/10, 11:00 am - noon, Table T1939)

(Here's a floor map of the bookfair layout, in case you like looking at things that make you dizzy.)

And, for something completely different, I'll be reading with contributors to the forthcoming anthology, Flash Nonfiction Funny: 71 Very Humorous, Very True, Very Short Stories, at the Tampa Marriott Waterside (host hotel), Meeting Room 13, 6:30 - 8:00 pm.on Thurs, 3/8. I don't often get funny on the page, and this short piece might surprise (shock?) some folks. And that's all I'm going to say about that.

Perhaps we'll run into one another. I love whenever I can connect with blog readers; though given the size and scope of AWP, I may just have to wave from here. 

Which reminds me, I'll be back here next week (or soon, anyway), sharing some of what I learned and observed. And if I know myself, while there I'll be offering this space to other authors with just-published books, writers with something compelling to say, who I think you may like to hear from in future guest posts or Q/A's. Stay tuned.

Memoir Book Report, Part VI: Tables Turned. Author Interviews and More

Interviewing authors, and loaning out this space to feature guest posts by other writers, are the great pleasures of publishing this blog. I ran the first Q/A interview in February 2008, about eight months after starting up the blog, and the first guest blog post not long after. Both featured authors of memoirs, although I've also spotlighted novelists, poets, and the occasional screenwriter, playwright, editor, and publisher. 

When I interview an author of personal creative nonfiction -- both here and when those interviews appear on another site, or in a book -- I like to think up questions that likely aren't the same ones they've already been asked time and again while promoting their books or other activities. That isn't always easy, but it is always fun and interesting for me. It pushes me to look thoughtfully at their work, to think deeply about it, and to get even more curious about the writer.

Now, I'm finding myself at the other end of that equation as PR activities are starting up for my forthcoming memoir.  First there was the author interview that's now part of the publisher's press kit and distributors' mailing.

Recently, I've been fortunate to be asked to answer interview questions for future publication. Never have I so appreciated the value of original, probing interview questions. I'm being asked to think about things I hadn't anticipated being asked. These include well-formulated and outside-the-ordinary questions about the book's content, my writing process, publishing with a small/university press, writing about family members, what my writing life looks like, and my hopes and goals for the book.

You'd think I'd have known these interview questions would invite me to look deeper, think more broadly, enter unexplored territory. You'd think I'd have been ready.  I was in a way, but not completely. And frankly, that's what's making it fun. With a podcast and a webcast interview also in the mix, I'll get an opportunity to see what it's like to field those questions--gulp--live.

When I ask someone to contribute a guest post here (or I respond to a request), I emphasize that to best serve blog readers, original content is highly valued. (No cookie-cutter blog posts templates culled from the press kit, please!) And I've been pleased time and time again by writers who always come up with something new and worthwhile to say, and allow me to post it here on their behalf.

Now -- you guessed it -- I'm writing some of those kind of guest posts myself. And hoping they will be equally valuable and fresh.

Overall, as this process unfolds, I've never been so appreciative of the thoroughness and generosity shown by bloggers, editors, freelance writers, and others. Their kindness, intelligence, professionalism, and sincere desire to help are striking.

It's still early days, but already an interview has appeared on the TRUE section of Proximity magazine, and at the Bay Path University MFA Director's blog.

As we get closer to book publication (May 1), I'll post other interviews and guest posts that appear. If you happen to be someone who interviews authors, publishes guest posts, plans author coverage or book reviews, I'd love to hear from you, as the interview and blog post calendar takes shape.

And now, back to answering questions...

This is the sixth in a series following the manuscript-to-published journey for me and Starting with Goodbye: A Daughter's Memoir of Love after Loss (University of Nevada Press, May 1, 2018). Find the others in the series here.

Memoir Book Report, Part V: Weathering the Query & Manuscript Submission Cycle, from Confusion to Contact to Contract

Fifth in a series, following Starting with Goodbye: A Daughter’s Memoir of Love after Loss, from manuscript to published book (University of Nevada Press, May 1, 2018). Find the rest of the series here.

Once I got a publication date, other writers began to ask: How long did the submission process take? What was it like? How did you find your publisher?

The short, pithy answers: Eleven months. Hell. Not the way I thought.

That’s handy shorthand, but hardly helpful. Here’s the longer story, the one from which you might glean some helpful hints.

I first thought I might have a book percolating in 2012, when I realized that many of the essays I was getting published, might add up to…something. Quite a few were connected thematically around my father’s death, and I thought if I wrote a few more, voila -- linked essay collection. (Can I over-emphasize how common this thinking is among essayists—and how often wrong-headed?) I tried to get that one published but eventually realized it had to be transformed into a more traditional memoir. (In a future post I’ll detail the essays-to-memoir process, so let’s skip ahead to April 2016, when I had a polished memoir manuscript.)

I am a fan of traditional independent and boutique literary presses and university presses, many of which accept non-agented submissions. I had already been compiling a spreadsheet of such publishers, organized first by those I most desired (because they’d published books I admired), and those that seemed most logical (given the book’s thematic elements). 

I noted any special submission calls, possible connection/recommendation, contests and open/closed submission periods, and finally, but not incidentally, any hunches I had. Next—because I so love a spreadsheet—I cross-referenced what each required initially, usually some combination of query letter, synopsis, proposal, sample chapters, the entire manuscript, marketing plan, author bio.

From April through January, I marched down my list, garnering both lightning-fast rejections as well as several requests for chapters, and a few for the whole manuscript. Result: slower rejections. Sure, some were personal, from editors who seemed genuinely to have read and thought carefully about the work.

Still, no is no.

Over those 10 months, I scratched some publishers off my list—they shuttered operations or their lists shrunk; some seemed less likely candidates after more careful study; sometimes I simply decided they wouldn’t want my book for some random reason which now seems silly. At the same time, the list grew as I discovered new-to-me publishers. What is it that we say about hope springing?

Along the way, I tinkered with the idea of seeking an agent—mostly because the advice of a book coach I’d consulted two years before, still resonated: there was nothing to lose and quite possibly something enormous to gain. About once a week, I spent time researching agents I might query—sometime. A small list emerged, tucked into another spreadsheet.

By the end of January, my energy was flagging, but I realized I had not made enough effort querying university presses. I had at least a dozen on my list I’d be thrilled to be published by. They all wanted a full proposal or some combination of the elements of a proposal, and while I’d written one, I kept tinkering, never sure it was right. Finally, I started sending it out.

By mid-February the full manuscript was under review at two boutique publishers, a more commercial press, and one university press. I’d gotten to this stage before—and then heard no. And sent out more queries, sample chapters, hopes.

That’s when I glanced out my window late one dark, cold Thursday afternoon, and noticed the snow. So much snow. A big storm coating New England to Virginia. Suddenly all the Facebook posts I’d seen from writers cancelling trips to theAWP (Association of Writers and Writing Programs) conference in Washington, D.C, made sense.

I hadn’t planned on going. But suddenly I had a thought: all those cancellations must mean the conference headquarters hotel would have a lot of available rooms. I was only a four-hour drive from D.C., and my four-wheel-drive SUV—and I, who once lived in Syracuse—could easily handle the lingering snow in the forecast.

By 5 a.m. the next morning, I was on the New Jersey Turnpike, heading south.

Typically, when I go to a conference, I have an agenda—connect with this editor, meet that publisher, make IRL friends with Facebook writer buddies, take notes at Famous Writer’s presentation, go to Other Famous Writer’s reading. Network. Pitch. Buy discounted journals. Get books signed. I’m usually exhausted even before I put on my nametag.

As I drove, I realized I had no plan—and that felt great. I had not studied the schedule, didn’t know who would be in the exhibit hall, who was reading where or when. My only agenda was to find friends, drop in at panels that seemed promising, maybe wander the book fair.

Ah, the book fair: a cavernous space (about three football fields?) where hundreds of tables beckoned, where friendly literary folks were promoting, selling, and giving away journals and books, touting other writing conferences, offering free trials of software, sharing the virtues of MFA programs, reading series, residencies.

I spent most of my book fair time happily meandering, spontaneously connecting in person with journal and anthology editors who’d published my work, finding new things to read, tossing swag into my tote.

At some point, I realized some publishers and university presses still on my list were there. I noticed that since I wasn’t in I-Must-Complete-My-Agenda mode, my usually nervous chatter disappeared. Instead of trying to sell myself, and by extension, my manuscript, I was only making new friends in the writing world.

Several asked me to send the manuscript when I got home. Others said it wasn’t right for them. Somehow, I had the same reaction to both outcomes: okay! I simply continued wending my may through the exhibit hall.

Finally, in the last 20 minutes of the final day, vendors were packing up their booths—and my tote was swelling because they were handing out free books so as not to incur return shipping costs. I noticed a man packing up, a welcoming smile on his face. We began chatting, about how much our feet hurt. About the conference. He asked something—I can’t remember what—and I began to tell him about my manuscript. In my mind, we were just having a conversation. Two tired writing world comrades at the end of an exhausting weekend.

At some point though, when I mentioned that the story takes place partly in New Jersey, and partly in Las Vegas, he pointed to the banner above his head: University of Nevada Press. Nevada, you know, home to Las Vegas.

Justin Race, director of UNV Press, introduced himself, and invited me to send him the first few chapters when I got home. He liked what he read, and asked for the full manuscript. By March 22, I had an offer. Two hours later, one of the other publishers who had the full manuscript phoned to make an offer too.

I realize that this part of the story makes it all sound so easy—bump into someone at a conference and the rest is publishing kismet. I assure you, nothing about bringing this memoir to that point was easy.

The thing is, I was ready. The manuscript had been revised and revised and polished. I’d researched and prepared query/submission materials. My spreadsheet tells the plodding, painstaking backstory of those 11 months (and before that, the submission process of the book’s previous incarnation).

What happens when you’ve been hearing no for a long time and in one afternoon, you hear yes—twice? After the elation, I mean? You get confused, that’s what. You wish you had an agent after all…

I’ll pick up from there in the next Memoir Book Report post, sharing how, over the next week, I found an agent, weighed offers, and said—yes!

Read the restof the Memoir Book Report series here.

Images: Snow-Flickr/CreativeCommons-JimThePhotographer. All others, royalty-free clip-art.

Friday Fridge Clean-Out: Links for Writers -- November 3, 2017 Edition

> Late the other night I found time to read this fabulous piece in the Sunday NY Times Magazine on extraordinary nonfiction writer John McPhee, and how he works. (The online version linked here includes drawings and diagrams of how he envisions, designs, and writes into the carefully crafted structures that hold up his books and articles.) 

> I often teach the list essay, and here, Jillian Schedneck has summed up a lot, in "How to Write a List Essay," and links (among other pieces) to her own list essay on Compose Journal (which I'm pleased to say I had a hand in selecting).

> Speaking of Compose, the Fall 2017 issue -- our tenth -- is now live, with fresh fiction, poetry, creative nonfiction, and features/craft pieces.

> If you're doing NaNoWriMo (or any self-adapted version of it), there are lots of  encouraging posts circulating, from the official  NaNoWriMo Pep Talks from household-name authors (first up is Roxane Gay), and elsewhere, short, helpful tips , writing apps tips, and round-ups of advice.

> Can swapping your cool smartphone for a less-capable model help your writing productivity? Amy Collini says yes, in "I Flipped,"' over at the Brevity blog.

> Fiction Writers Review features an interview with Claire Messud, about her newest novel, The Burning Girl.

> Finally, I've just started down the dark and alluring path of book PR (since the memoir is now listed on several online retailers), and well...one could so easily go overboard. So I found this funny/snarky piece, "How You Can Help Me Sell My Book," at McSweeneys' spot-on (and a little scary). Precious blog readers, if I get annoying in my book excitement, do tell me! 

> Oh, but first, did I mention my newsletter went out the other day, and if you scroll down, it features a promo for those who pre-order the book and send me.....ugh. See what I mean?

Have a great weekend!

Image: Flickr/CreativeCommons-NationalMuseumofAmericanHistory